Full transcript
00:00Intro
Cold open — the beach. Puppy Jay races toward the water.
PUPPY JAY(singing) Puppy Jay, doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo… Gonna swim, doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo… Puppy Jaaay!
PUPPY JAY CANNONBAAALL—
PUPPY JAY Wait… What is that!
SHARK Hey, Puppy Jay! Perfect timing for swimming — the market’s still closed! Jump in. The water’s perfect!
PUPPY JAY Shark!!! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
SHARK Wait, it’s just me! Your financial advisor!
PUPPY JAY AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
SHARK So… That song wasn’t a joke?
00:32Summer Hit Attempt
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY Not many of you know this, but… I’m afraid of water. Because of sharks!!! According to statistics, about ten people a year fall victim to shark attacks. And the numbers for dachshunds? Apparently — classified. I even wrote a song about this fear a while ago. And just finished a music video. Let’s watch it!
01:33Face to Face Fear
MUSIC VIDEO
PUPPY JAY Oh, Shark’s calling…
SHARK Puppy Jay, I thought we’re friends and this song was a joke! You’re actually afraid of me? I don’t even bite…
A fish swims by. The shark casually eats it.
PUPPY JAY Pinky swear?
SHARK(calmly) Okay, fine. I bite a little. But I do go to therapy. Helping me deal with my fear of humans… Ever since they caught my mom and turned her into soup… And my dad… And, well… about 100 million of my relatives. Every year. (pause — looks away) Yep — official statistics. Fact-check it if you don’t believe me.
PUPPY JAY Oh wow… that’s such a sad story. I think… I’m a little less scared of you now. And I’ll call Dr. Pawsitive! Thank you Shark.
02:15Therapy Begins
JINGLE
A phone call. Puppy Jay dials Dr. Pawsitive.
DR. PAWSITIVE(smiling) Hi! My name is Dr. Pawsitive. And here at Pawsitive Therapy, we believe every trauma deserves a treat. Now, Puppy Jay — tell me what’s bothering you.
PUPPY JAY(guiltily) I… I can’t swim in the sea. And no, it’s not rabies — I got tested. It’s just… I’m scared of sharks.
DR. PAWSITIVE(nodding with understanding) Ah, classic… Marine anxiety with a dash of cartilaginophobia. Very common in long-bodied patients. When you’re swimming, your… buns are just… too far from your brain. It causes deep internal stress. Do you know where this fear comes from?
PUPPY JAY(looks down, slightly turns his head) I don’t know. It’s just… there.
DR. PAWSITIVE(writing in a notebook without looking) Hmm. Hesitant tone, evasive answer, sudden head tilt… Classic avoidance. And avoidance is already a trauma structure. Most likely, it all goes back to puppyhood. Let’s try some regressive hypnotherapy. I’ll count to ten sausages — and you’ll fall asleep…
DR. PAWSITIVE One sausage…
PUPPY JAY(trying to resist) Hypnosis doesn’t really wo—
DR. PAWSITIVE Two sausages…
Puppy Jay collapses mid-sentence — fast asleep.
DR. PAWSITIVE(dryly, surprised) Wow! That was fast. What do you see, Puppy Jay?
03:37Pirate Dream
PUPPY JAY(in a whisper, frightened) Oh, I’m on a pirate ship. And my daddy… he’s the captain.
Dream sequence: a pirate ship, sharks.
PUPPY JAY(wakes up in terror) AAAAAHHHHH!!! (pause — heavy breathing, then a calm, reflective tone) That was such a realistic dream… Horribly traumatic. But seriously — who’s in charge of the visual effects in my dreams? That was Pixar-level, at least!
DR. PAWSITIVE I see. Your fear clearly stems from puppyhood. But your subconscious — it’s like a wall. Blocking out your memories. I’m going to show you just one Rorschach card. Only one… Because the rest… well… dog ate them. Look closely. Deeply. This might be painful. But this is the source of your fear. What do you see?
The Rorschach blot morphs into a video: a campfire, Doxie Din telling a story.
PUPPY JAY Uhh… a campfire? That’s me and my older brother Doxie Din, sitting by the fire. He’s telling me how he used to work as a lifeguard… Wait — I remember this story! It was even before I was born. Din worked as a lifeguard — and he was so good at it… that there wasn’t a single incident on the beach. Which is why he… kinda got lazy and then…
05:03Trauma Unlocked
The video cuts to a second lifeguard fighting off a shark. The full Doxie Din memory plays out.
DR. PAWSITIVE Now it all makes sense. You were traumatized by your older brother’s story. You started to believe that because of sharks… you might lose your job… your status… everything you earned with your own little paws. (pause — shifts to a casual tone) Fascinating case! First time I’ve seen internet fame lead to a fear of sharks.
PUPPY JAY Okay… So what do I do now? Honestly, I think I’m even more scared than before.
08:22Treatment
DR. PAWSITIVE(very seriously) I’ve developed a cutting-edge treatment program — based entirely on TikToks I watched last week. It’s called: “10 Hours of Baby Shark Therapy.” After that, you won’t just stop fearing sharks… You’ll basically become a shark. (laughs, then clears throat)
DR. PAWSITIVE(smiling sweetly) One final thing before you go… My invoice. $400.
PUPPY JAY(panicking) Oh—uh—sorry, bad connection! I’m… going into a tunnel… beep-beep-beep— (the call drops)
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY By the way, if you’d like to watch the full Doxie Din memory video — link in the top right.
09:07No Dogs, No SharksInsert: montage
Puppy Jay listens to “Baby Shark” on a 10-hour loop, softly singing along in despair.
TITLE CARD: APPROXIMATELY 10 HOURS LATER
Puppy Jay, now in a full shark costume, walks proudly onto the beach.
PUPPY JAY Hello, Mr. Lifeguard!
A security guard stops him and points to a sign: “No dogs allowed.”
PUPPY JAY What? Can’t you see? I’m not a dog — I’m a shark!
The lifeguard points to a lower sign: “No sharks allowed.”
PUPPY JAY …Seriously?
09:46New Song Drop
Back in the studio. Puppy Jay sighs.
PUPPY JAY Yeah… they didn’t let me on the beach. But you know what? That doesn’t matter anymore. Because I’m no longer afraid. Not of water. Not of sharks. Not of… Okay — I’m still a little afraid of therapy prices. But the important thing is — today’s adventure gave me something back: Inspiration! I just sat down… and wrote a song. My brand new summer hit — No Dogs Allowed.
MUSIC VIDEO — “NO DOGS ALLOWED”
PUPPY JAY If you want to escape the office — even for just three minutes — and join me on the Adriatic coast… it’s streaming everywhere! QR code’s right here, link’s in the description.
10:39Final Bark
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY And before we go — Cheekylory — thank you for becoming a sponsor! Welcome to the pack! Every new sponsor brings us closer to our season goal — 100 new sponsors, and then… the legendary interview with the legendary vampire… Transylvania, fangs, you know the stuff. So if you want to be part of it — join the crew! QR codes are on screen, and links are in the description. Thank you, legends! And don’t forget to send in videos of your pet to my email! They might get featured in the next episode. My name is Puppy Jay — and I’ll see you next Sunday.
FINAL JINGLE