Full transcript
00:00IntroINT. HALL 13
PUPPY JAY stands in front of three funhouse mirrors, a red button within reach.
PUPPY JAY In the next fifteen seconds… I’m going to earn 21 years of bad luck. Because this IS Episode 13 of Sunday Puppy Jay. And here, we don’t take things on faith! We put them… to the test!
PUPPY JAY presses the red button. All three mirrors explode.
PUPPY JAY See? Nothing happened.
SFX: alarm blares. A megaphone crackles to life.
MEGAPHONE(V.O.) Security… to Hall Thirteen.
PUPPY JAY …Okay, THAT one’s a coincidence.
JINGLE
00:31Where Is Everyone?INT. STUDIO
PUPPY JAY sits at the desk.
PUPPY JAY Super fan fact none of usual experts were able to join us today! But it’s total coincidence! Definitely not because this is episode 13! Absolutely not!
Beat. Puppy Jay glances nervously off-camera.
PUPPY JAY But one brave soul did agree to join us today! Please welcome, Professor Pawstradamus!
00:55Pawstradamus Returns
PAWSTRADAMUS appears via mystical Zoom, voice echoing from the void.
PAWSTRADAMUS(voice echoing from the void) Greetings, Puppy Jay! Even the stars themselves trembled at the idea of appearing in episode 13 of Sunday Puppy Jay! But not me.
PUPPY JAY Professor! I’m so glad you’re a dog of science and not someone who believed in silly superstitions!
PAWSTRADAMUS I am guided not by belief but by the sacred knowledge bestowed upon me by the stars… And I know that superstitions are very real! But don’t worry! I have prepared powerful, protective charms stronger than any chaos you plan to unleash today. And in the most extreme case, I can always knock three times on wood.
PUPPY JAY Wow. Impressive… Well, I’ve got a charm too. It’s called common sense!
PAWSTRADAMUS You can get far with common sense… but you can get way farther with common sense and a charm in your pocket. (beat) Especially if that charm was purchased from my official online store! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
PUPPY JAY All right. Challenge accepted! I already broke a mirror and started episode 13. Still alive. Still adorable. So let’s keep going! What’s next on our superstition bingo?
02:07Superstition Bingo
PAWSTRADAMUS Ah, the feline omen! Few creatures carry darker energy than the black cat. If one crosses your path, you must turn around, cancel your plans and stay inside for the rest of the day. It’s ancient wisdom! Powerful! Unavoidable!
PUPPY JAY(smirking) Sounds like an introvert dream. But I don’t scare it easily.
PAWSTRADAMUS May the stars protect you, Puppy Jay. As for me, I am protected by ancient and mighty charm. This red thread I tied to my background. A powerful amulet. Unbreakable! Unquestionable!
PUPPY JAY Well, at least it looks stylish… Let’s bust that one live! Time to check in with our fearless field reporter. Vicky Licky, over to you!
03:03Meow-terview — Black Cat
CUT TO: VICKY LICKY standing on a quiet city sidewalk, microphone in paw.
VICKY LICKY(calm) Thanks, Puppy Jay. If I’m being honest — I didn’t want to take part in Episode 13 either… But I have a contract. And I’m a professional. We’re currently in the part of town most associated with mysterious feline activity. And just moments ago — we spotted one. A true representative of the so-called “unlucky” species. Let’s see if he’s willing to comment.
CAMERA pans to a very unimpressed black cat sitting on a ledge.
VICKY LICKY Sir — is it true that when you cross someone’s path… bad luck follows?
BLACK CAT(deadpan) Really? Still with that? Blame your own life choices!
VICKY LICKY So you’re saying… even though you crossed my path just a few minutes ago — absolutely nothing bad is going to happen to me?
BLACK CAT(calm) Correct. Unless you stepped in something brown on the way.
VICKY LICKY As we can see, black cats are clearly misunderstood in popular culture. They’ve been demonized for centuries — unfairly. This was Vicky Licky, reporting for Sunday— Ow! Ow—wait—
She starts scratching mid-sentence.
PUPPY JAY(concerned) Vicky, what’s going on?
VICKY LICKY(panicking) Code red! I repeat, CODE RED! Black cats are extremely dangerous! I’m being attacked by fleas— live on camera!!
Feed cuts abruptly. Static.
PAWSTRADAMUS What now, Puppy Jay? Still think there’s nothing to fear?
PUPPY JAY Come on. Everyone knows street cats carry fleas. Who talks to them without proper protection?
Sudden pop-up: Vicky Licky reappears via video, hair a mess.
VICKY LICKY(dead serious) Just for the record — my corporate insurance does not cover flea-related trauma.
PUPPY JAY(instantly) Uh—Vicky, you’re— you’re breaking up! pchhh— pshh psh-pchhhk— we’re losing signal— Sorry! Gotta move on!
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY Just as I thought… No one’s managed to convince me that any of these superstitions are real.
PAWSTRADAMUS(deeply disturbed) Unbelievable! You’ve already broken three sacred superstitions… and still refuse to believe in consequences. Well… Then… Let me tell you about the fourth omen. One of the most powerful. Never. Under any circumstances… Open an umbrella… indoors. It may lead to unspeakable tragedy.
05:00Umbrella Test
PUPPY JAY(snorts) That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
PUPPY JAY confidently opens the umbrella indoors.
PUPPY JAY(smug) See? Nothing happened!
Silence. A faint rumble in the background.
PAWSTRADAMUS(tense, eyes wide) I can feel it… The spirit of the Earth is angry with you, Puppy Jay! You’ve awakened something ancient! Thank the stars I ate a four-leaf clover right before the show. I’ll be fine. But you, Puppy Jay—
Sudden deep rumble. Lights shake. A coffee mug falls off the desk.
PUPPY JAY Oh. Oh! What is this! IS THIS AN EARTHQUAKE?!
Studio starts shaking. Light flickers. A prop plant falls over in the background.
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY(catching his breath) Okay. That was… mildly unsettling. But I live in a seismically active zone! There’s nothing mystical about experiencing an earthquake… live on air. Totally explainable.
05:58Spilling Salt for Science
PAWSTRADAMUS(nervously) I just hope the salt didn’t spill.
PUPPY JAY Uh, salt?
PAWSTRADAMUS(gravely) Yes — the salt! It’s the dark omen. If salt is spilled — it invites conflict… petty arguments, broken trust… even comment section warfare!
PUPPY JAY(mocking) Comment section warfare? Sounds… engaging.
He turns to camera with a grin.
PUPPY JAY Let me know in the comments — Are you more of a “logic and facts” person — or a “knock three times” type?
He grabs a salt shaker.
PUPPY JAY While you’re typing that… I have to test this one.
PAWSTRADAMUS Luckily, I’m protected. I have a certified anti-conflict t-shirt.
He proudly reveals a Puppy Jay merch shirt under his cloak.
PAWSTRADAMUS I bought it from the official Puppy Jay merch store! At first glance, it may seem like an ordinary t-shirt… But if someone sees this adorable face printed on your chest — there’s no way they’ll want to argue with you, no!
He gently strokes the print with reverence.
07:02Insert: salt sketch
MOMMY(O.S.) Jay!!!
Back in the studio. Puppy Jay calmly sips from a mug, totally unfazed.
PUPPY JAY She has no proof. I wore a mask — legally, she can’t be mad at me without evidence.
He takes another smug sip.
PAWSTRADAMUS(mystically) She can’t be mad at you because you are protected by the ancient sigil… Printed on that very mug.
Zoom on the mug — it’s the same Puppy Jay face from the merch t-shirt.
PAWSTRADAMUS A powerful charm! Ward of forgiveness. Blessed by retail.
PUPPY JAY(dry) “Ancient” is a bit of a stretch. This collection’s only, like… three years old.
He shrugs, sips again.
PUPPY JAY Still — coolest mug in the studio. Available now. Link in the description.
PAWSTRADAMUS(ominous) You really think nothing can touch you? Fine! Then let me tell you about the most dangerous superstition of all. Never. And I mean never walk under a ladder. Because if you do… Honestly? I don’t even know what happens. I’ve never met anyone who survived such a magical incident.
07:43Ladder Dilemma
PUPPY JAY So, it’s time for another live experiment! Vicky Licky — reporting from the front lines of superstition.
VICKY LICKY We’re currently standing in front of a… wooden ladder. And let me be clear — I will not… under any circumstances… walk underneath it! Absolutely not! No!
PUPPY JAY Vicky, we have a contract!
VICKY LICKY You can fire me, Puppy Jay, but I am not going under that ladder! That would be the sixth superstition broken, and my journalistic instinct is screaming this ends badly. At least… until we upgrade our corporate insurance plan.
PUPPY JAY Vicky, I promise I’ll talk to HR. Right after I hire one. Come on — it’s boiling outside. I don’t want to go out there!
VICKY LICKY No, Puppy Jay! It’s too dangerous!
PUPPY JAY sighs, stands up from his studio desk.
PUPPY JAY Fine! If you want something done right — do it yourself.
PAWSTRADAMUS(shaken) I can’t watch this. I’m disconnecting… May the stars have mercy on your soul.
JINGLE
He climbs down from the studio platform and walks toward the ladder.
PUPPY JAY(to camera) It’s just a regular ladder. Yes… it leads nowhere, and it’s set up like some kind of obvious trap… but aside from that — a perfectly normal, everyday ladder. How could anyone believe that walking under it would cause something bad to—
He steps underneath.
PUPPY JAY See? Nothing happe—
09:28Who is WOOFISTO?
BOOM. Smoke. Red glow. Fire. A demon materializes.
WOOFISTO(booming) WELL, WELL, WELL! Look who’s finally gone too far! I’ve been waiting for this moment, Puppy Jay. Watching you since Episode One. And I knew — sooner or later you’d be mine!
PUPPY JAY(confused) … And who… are you?
The demon raises his arms, smoke billows around him.
WOOFISTO I am WOOFISTO!
PUPPY JAY(blank) Coooool! Never heard of you.
WOOFISTO(offended) What? How? But you… You may know me by another name…
He leans in dramatically. Voice drops to a dark whisper.
WOOFISTO BEELZEBARK!
PUPPY JAY(still blank) Still nothing…
WOOFISTO(sputtering) …Seriously? Ugh— Gen Z! I hate you!
WOOFISTO(raging) But none of that matters now! You’ve made a terrible mistake! You’ve broken the sixth superstition. And that means… I can finally claim your soul!
Thunder. Dramatic sting. He raises his arms.
PUPPY JAY(deadpan, unimpressed) Seriously? Who’s gonna believe that?
WOOFISTO(offended) Oh, it doesn’t matter if you believe. That’s what it says in the rules! Section 6, paragraph 13 — “Deliberate violation of six superstitions in a row shall result in immediate soul confiscation.” No exceptions!
PUPPY JAY(calmly, almost smug) But even if any of this were real — as Professor Pawstradamus said… three knocks on wood can fix anything.
WOOFISTO(scoffs) I don’t care. Do what you want.
Puppy Jay knocks once on the studio desk.
WOOFISTO(nervous) Okay wait. What are you doing?
Puppy Jay knocks a second time. The lights flicker.
WOOFISTO(screaming) NOOOOO!!
Puppy Jay locks eyes with him… and knocks a third time. Instantly: a roar of wind, red smoke, and an infernal sucking sound.
WOOFISTO We’re not finished, Puppy Jay! This isn’t over! We’ll meet again! I SWEAR IT!
He gets sucked downward into the floor in a swirl of smoke and glitter.
PUPPY JAY(quietly, staring at the smoke) …Okay. That was actually really, really creepy.
11:19Final Bark
PUPPY JAY(back in the studio, still catching his breath) I really hope Woofisto doesn’t come back… At least not before Halloween. Maybe some superstitions used to make sense — or still do. Breaking a mirror is dangerous — you could hurt your paws. And spilled salt was a big deal in ancient times — it used to be incredibly valuable. But still… I feel bad for black cats. They don’t deserve the hate. (pause) Sadly, no one joined our Patreon this week. I assume, just like our experts, you all had very legitimate reasons for not doing it during Episode 13. Totally understandable! But hey — if you do like this show, join my Patreon! We’ve got an amazing little community, and I talk to my Patrons all the time. Seriously — their feedback helped shape this episode, from a scribbled napkin draft… into the whole thing. Right now we are on the way to our season goal! 100 new sponsors! Once we hit that goal, I will be able to film an interview with the lord of vampires… Count Barkula! Join the crew — QR code’s right here, and the link’s waiting in the description.
Turns to camera, warm smile.
PUPPY JAY And don’t forget to send in videos of your pets to my email — they might be featured in the next episode! My name is Puppy Jay — and I’ll see you next Sunday.
12:59Fan Love
FINAL JINGLE
VIEWER #1 I love Puppy Jay!
VIEWER #2 I love Puppy Jay too!