Full transcript
00:00Intro
CAMERA — LOW ANGLE. Puppy Jay walks slowly through a narrow, ancient tunnel. Flickering torches line the crumbling walls. Dust hangs in the air. Each pawstep echoes into darkness.
PUPPY JAY(whispering, dramatic) Legend says no dog ever returned from the Tomb of Anubark… Let’s find out why.
Ahead: a small skeleton, unmistakably dachshund, slumped near a wall. A dusty collar still clings to the bones.
PUPPY JAY(grimly) Okay… I’m definitely not the first here.
Tense music rises.
00:15INT. CHAMBER
A single beam of light illuminates a golden bone resting on an ancient pedestal. The room is silent.
PUPPY JAY(awed whisper) Wow, there it is… The legendary artifact! (steps closer) Just standing here, gathering dust. I think it deserves a more… active owner.
CLOSE-UP — Puppy Jay quickly swaps the golden bone with a regular chew toy.
SFX: A deep mechanical click. The pedestal sinks.
PUPPY JAY(nervous) Oh no…
SFX: Massive rumble. A stone wall opens. A huge boulder starts rolling toward Puppy Jay.
PUPPY JAY(panicked) NO-NO-NO-NO!
Puppy Jay sprints down the hallway, bone in mouth.
PUPPY JAY(yelling while running) I hate cardio!!!
At the last second, he dives to the side. The boulder crashes past, slams into the camera. Static.
CAMERA CUT — shakily turns back on. Puppy Jay, slightly out of breath, holds up the bone.
PUPPY JAY(excited) I really hope the camera B guy’s okay. But the Golden Bone is mine!
00:52Totally Hypothetical Golden Bone
LOUD JUMPSCARE STING.
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY Okay, so I may have triggered some ancient traps… but it’s fine! Time to find out what this baby’s really worth. I’ll call someone who knows money better than anyone!
PUPPY JAY Hey, Shark!
SHARK Hey, Puppy Jay!
PUPPY JAY Finally, I’ve got a question that’s right in your area of expertise: A money question.
SHARK My favorite kind! What are we talking — stocks, crypto… maybe gold?
PUPPY JAY Oh… gold, actually. Let’s imagine — totally theoretical — someone, definitely not me, found an ancient artifact shaped like a golden bone.
SHARK “Totally theoretical,” huh… That gold could be worth a lot. But… if it’s also an ancient artifact? That’s the kind of “worth a lot” that gets you arrested.
PUPPY JAY What? Since when is archaeology illegal? Indiana Jones did it all the time! Lara Croft too!
SHARK Yeah — and if they were real, they’d have mile-long criminal records. Actual archaeologists mostly work with permits, museums, and paperwork. Not whips, guns, and theme music. Your dad’s an archaeologist, right? What’s his workday like?
PUPPY JAY Huh… I always thought he was just the boring kind of archaeologist. He mostly reads books, types… and drinks a lot of coffee!
SHARK Exactly.
A loud thwack sound in the background.
PUPPY JAY Wait… was that a golf ball?
SHARK Yeah. Billionaires are playing golf on their yachts again… right above my office. One of them just chipped a 9-iron into my inbox.
PUPPY JAY Anyway… So how much could that “totally hypothetical” golden bone that I totally don’t have be worth?
SHARK I don’t do shady black-market deals — I’m a serious financial expert. But… I could estimate the gold value in that bone. First — check if it’s actually solid gold, not just plated. You can do a little scratch test—
Sawing sounds off-screen.
SHARK Puppy Jay… what’s that noise?
PUPPY JAY(off-screen) Totally hypothetical scratch test!
Puppy Jay comes back holding the bone.
PUPPY JAY Okay… so it’s gold on the outside… but something white — definitely not gold — inside. That means extra valuable? That’s good, right?
SHARK Yes and no… That means it’s fake. Probably plastic under the gold paint. Your “ancient artifact” is worth maybe… three bucks. On the bright side — at least you’re not going to jail… probably.
PUPPY JAY Oh. (long pause) Cool. Thanks, Shark.
SHARK Anytime, buddy.
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY So you’re telling me I risked my life for nothing? I’m not letting it end like that! At the very least, I can turn this into a sensational episode of Sunday Puppy Jay. And for that… I need our fearless field reporter — Vicky Licky!
03:44Breaking News Alert
He calls Vicky. She’s lying in bed, wrapped in blankets. The phone rings, she answers.
VICKY(groggy) Yes…
PUPPY JAY Vicky! I’ve got a scoop for you!
VICKY Puppy Jay… I am officially on sick leave after that insane brick attack during my last report. If you’ve forgotten how traumatic that was, you can refresh your memory using the pop-up link in the top corner of the screen.
PUPPY JAY Vicky! Some nasty criminal — clearly with zero understanding of archaeology — just robbed the Tomb of Anubark and stole the priceless Golden Bone! This could be the breakthrough our careers have been waiting for!
Vicky suddenly sits up, pulls a microphone from under the blanket.
VICKY Say no more Puppy Jay! I’m on it!
PUPPY JAY Cool! And while Vicky Licky makes her way to the scene — shoutout to the absolute legends who make this show possible — to our newest sponsors: Lance M. aka Lancelot, kitra_kenzo, Sherry R. — welcome to the pack! And thank you Norma, Ella C., Paulo P., Carmen G. for upgrading their tier, and Matt H. for the huge Super Thanks! And Thank you to all my sponsors too! Pure legends!
04:45Thank you, legends
JINGLE
05:15The Heist of the Century
Vicky Licky stands in front of the Tomb of Anubark.
VICKY We’re here at the mysterious Tomb of Anubark, where, according to early reports, the heist of the century has taken place! Sources say that the ancient artifact known as The Golden Bone of Anubark has been stolen by an unknown suspect…
PUPPY JAY(voice-over) It really is a mysterious place — mainly because nobody can explain how an ancient Egyptian tomb ended up in southern Europe… right on the Pawriatic coast!
Vicky steps inside the tomb, narrating as she moves through.
VICKY Ah… classic trap. Looks like the promise of easy treasure turned this place into the tomb of many adventurers.
Vicky turns her head, squinting at the wall.
VICKY Huh… that’s odd. I see names in English… right here, mixed in with the ancient Egyptian symbols.
She reaches the main chamber and approaches a pedestal.
VICKY This is where the Golden Bone of Anubark was kept. Now it’s just an ordinary chew bone.
PUPPY JAY(voice-over) Vicky, is there any evidence that might point to the suspect’s identity?
VICKY Let’s have a look around… Hmm… nothing worth our atte— Oh! Wait, I see something! A security camera!
06:13Security?
PUPPY JAY(shocked) A security camera?!
VICKY My journalistic instincts tell me this footage will have all the answers.
PUPPY JAY (gulping audibly)
VICKY Wow… this equipment is as ancient as the tomb itself. Looks like it’s from the 20th century — maybe the 90s, or even the 80s… I saw one like this in the Museum of Journalism back in college. Okay… I think this is the button.
Vicky presses a button. Grainy footage plays — a masked figure stealing the bone.
VICKY I can’t quite make out the criminal… maybe if we zoom in…
She zooms.
VICKY And now… enhance the image — just like in the old movies. There we go!
The picture clears — it’s clearly Puppy Jay in a mask.
VICKY Puppy Jay… I think we’ve found the thief! Looks like… a dachshund!
Cut to Puppy Jay in the studio. A loud heartbeat plays.
VICKY This criminal came prepared! Thanks to the mask, there’s no way to confirm their identity.
Puppy Jay exhales with relief.
PUPPY JAY Vicky, I don’t think that’s the real thief… The Golden Bone looks fake — like flea market gold paint worth maybe… three bucks. Rewind the tape.
VICKY Huh… you’re right, it’s not even shining. Didn’t notice that at first… You really are a pro, Puppy Jay!
Vicky rewinds the tape.
VICKY Wait… there’s something here!
07:34Case Twist: Indiana Bones?!
VICKY Jay! You’re absolutely right! The bone was stolen long before! It looks like… it was taken by none other than… Indiana Bones! I can’t believe it! He used to teach history at my college… I thought he was a real archaeologist, but he turns out to be just another tomb raider!
PUPPY JAY Classic case… pop culture rots the mind.
VICKY But Puppy Jay, how did you even know about the theft?
PUPPY JAY(calmly) Ooohhh… uh… I don’t reveal my sources!
VICKY(nodding) Respect. Your professional journalistic ethics are inspiring. I’ve got a lot to learn from you, maestro.
VICKY I’ll forward this footage to the Sheriff! Well… to the new Sheriff we’ll get after the elections, of course. We want justice to be served— (pauses, looking at the screen) What’s happening?
09:43Footage… Erased?!
The tape begins to glitch and distort. Static fills the screen.
VICKY Oh no! The footage has been erased! But how… Only a truly skilled hacker could break into analog equipment that’s not even connected to the global network… It seems this case is far more complicated — and dangerous — than we thought. Both Indiana Bones and that mysterious masked amateur will remain at large… for now. This is Vicky Licky, reporting for Sunday Puppy Jay!
10:13Hacker to the Rescue
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY Huh! Looks like I just got really lucky. If Vicky got that close to my secret, the new Sheriff would’ve busted me in seconds! Wait… what’s that?
Sudden static, grain, heavy glitches.
DINANIMUS(distorted voice, cutting into the feed) My name is Dinanimus. I’m the most wanted hacker in the world. Don’t try to trace me. You won’t succeed.
PUPPY JAY Dinanimus?!
DINANIMUS I’m the one who erased the tomb footage. Don’t thank me — but you were this close to hosting Sunday Puppy Jay from a jail cell.
PUPPY JAY Huh… that does sound kind of interesting.
PUPPY JAY Thanks… I guess? But how am I supposed to find Indiana Bones and get the bone back?
DINANIMUS Indiana Bones is a legend… Just like me. Huh… Even if you found him, you wouldn’t stand a chance… …not yet. Brace yourself, Puppy Jay.
11:01Final Bark
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY(in the studio) Sadly, my brilliant plan to sell The Golden Bone and fund Vicky Licky’s mission to Transylvania turned to dust. Which means… I’m counting on you, my loyal viewers! If we want the interview with Count Barkula to happen, I need to hit my goal of 100 new sponsors — and we’re already on our way! And now, a word from the Count!
BARKULA I really want to tell my true story… So become a Patron of Puppy Jay, support him… QR codes have just popped up on your screen, and the links have been in the description from the very start! I’d say it’s worth a peek. Curiosity… it bites!
PUPPY JAY And don’t forget to send in videos of your pets to my email — they might be featured in the next episode! My name is Puppy Jay — and I’ll see you next Sunday!