Full transcript
00:00Intro
COLD OPEN — CUT TO: FRONT DOOR — PUPPY JAY RINGS THE BELL
PUPPY JAY(cold, direct) Are you Noobmaster3000?
STRANGER(nervous) …Yes?
PUPPY JAY(dead serious) Did you leave a mean comment under my video?
STRANGER Uhh… maybe?
PUPPY JAY That’s all I needed to hear.
PUPPY JAY PEES ON HIS CROCS
PUPPY JAY(runs away) I forgive… but I never forget!
JINGLE — TITLE CARD
00:54Bad Comments sting…INT. STUDIO
PUPPY JAY back behind the desk, scrolling comments
PUPPY JAY Okay — that one’s handled. Let me see… (scrolling, reading aloud with growing irritation) Oh… Your voice is annoying — and the accent… It used to be better… Bring back Doxie Din… Ok… Ok… Oh — but look at this one… a comment from my longtime friend and Sponsor, Matt H.… …Wait a minute! “your show is…LAME” WHAT!!!!
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY(quiet, shaken) Bad comments always sting… But when they come from someone close — it hurts so much more… Maybe I’m not built for show business. That’s it. I’m out!
PUPPY JAY walks slowly. Climbs into his bed. Lies down, defeated.
PUPPY JAY I thought I finally found my place. I bet my big brother Doxie Din never felt like this… Even back when he was just starting out — before the Gold Play Button, before the Webby Awards… Or did he? Din! Bro! I need your help!
01:34Doxie Din’s Secret
DOXIE DIN enters dramatically, backlit.
DOXIE DIN(deadpan) What again?
PUPPY JAY Din… you always seemed so confident. Wasn’t there ever a time when the hate under your videos got to you?
DOXIE DIN(deadpan) Oh, Puppy Jay… Every. Single. Day. At one point, I had to stop reading them. Doctor’s orders.
PUPPY JAY(in disbelief) Wait… seriously? It got so bad… you even went to therapy?
DOXIE DIN Two years… Twice a week… I’ll never forget my first visit to a therapist. It was… weird…
04:14Can’t Afford Therapy
VHS FLASHBACK — DOXIE DIN’S OLD THERAPY SESSION
VHS CLIP ENDS — BACK TO STUDIO
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY(back in studio, thoughtful) Well… to be honest, Din didn’t exactly pick the best therapist. Good thing my therapist is one of the top mental health experts out there — Dr. Pawsitive.
VOICE MENU — DR. PAWSITIVE’S OFFICE
DR. PAWSITIVE(recording) Hello. You’ve reached the Pawsitive Therap office. To book a session, press 1. To cancel or reschedule, press 2. If this is Puppy Jay pay your invoice first, then call me!
PUPPY JAY(smiling faintly) I think she loves me.
PUPPY JAY(to camera, deadpan) Ok! This is an emergency. I can’t keep postponing the payment. (sighs, looking at empty wallet) But I spent my entire budget paying my staff — nothing left for me… You can watch how it happened — link’s in the top right corner. Huh… There’s gotta be a way… Maybe… I could just borrow a tiny bit from Daddy…
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY steals a credit card
SFX: Apple Pay chime
05:30Sponsors TimeINT. THERAPY STUDIO — VIDEO CALL
SFX: Apple Pay chime
PUPPY JAY(to camera, sheepish grin) And so I don’t have to put that mask back on to “borrow” things — support my show. Become a Sponsor! Right now, I’m trying to hit 100 new Sponsors — so I can send my reporter Vicky Licky to Transylvania for an exclusive interview with the great lord of all vampires himself: Count Barkula! You can become a Sponsor on Patreon — or right here on YouTube. QR code’s on screen, link’s in the description. Join the pack — let’s stick together! And now… therapy time!
06:04Therapy Time
PUPPY JAY Hello, Dr. Pawsitive! I’ve paid for the last session. And this one. But… sometimes I hit my credit card limit. So maybe… we could work out some kind of partnership model? I’ve got a promising show — I could advertise your services…
DR. PAWSITIVE(dryly) Interesting idea. Let’s discuss it after the session. For now — let’s focus. What’s bothering you, Puppy Jay?
PUPPY JAY My show’s getting more and more popular… but with all that attention come… really hurtful comments.
DR. PAWSITIVE Tell me why do those comments hurt you so much? Do you think… they might be true?
PUPPY JAY What?! No! Of course not!
DR. PAWSITIVE Hm… Do you like your show?
PUPPY JAY Like it? I love it! And I’m the best in the business!
DR. PAWSITIVE That confidence — that’s your foundation. Much better than relying on opinions from strangers on the internet.
PUPPY JAY Yeah, but… it…
DR. PAWSITIVE(leans forward) Sounds like you’re not telling me everything.
PUPPY JAY(gasps) HOW DID YOU KNOW?!
DR. PAWSITIVE(grins) Because I’m the best in my business…
PUPPY JAY It was a comment from someone close to me… A friend. A Patron. How could he say my show is lame?!
DR. PAWSITIVE And. Did you ask him? Why he wrote that?
PUPPY JAY Uhh… no… I kind of panicked. Decided to quit showbiz and go live in the forest with squirrels.
DR. PAWSITIVE(gently) Oh, Puppy Jay… You’re still such a baby.
PUPPY JAY Thank you, Doctor. I think you’re right! No more dramatic meltdowns. No more freaking out. It’s time I face the truth — and talk to him. Face to face. …Well, FaceTime to FaceTime.
08:06FaceTime to FaceTime
JINGLE
MATT(appears on screen) Hey, Puppy Jay! Long time no see, my friend!
PUPPY JAY(tense, betrayed) Matt… How dare you. You were like a brother to me. I loved you.
MATT(confused) What?
PUPPY JAY(quoting) You wrote: “your show is ‘LAME’!”
MATT(shocked) I’ve never said that your show is LAME! In fact, your last episode was totally pawsome!
PUPPY JAY(hurt) You… didn’t?
MATT Of course not! Why would I ever… wait… What’s happening here?! Jay! Jay!!!
08:33Dinanimus Reveal
SFX: sudden glitch — video distorts, freezes, then cuts to another feed
GLITCHED FEED — DINANIMUS APPEARS ON SCREEN
DINANIMUS(smirking) Miss me? My name is Dinanimus. I’m the most wanted hacker in the world. Don’t try to trace me. You won’t succeed.
PUPPY JAY(furious) DINANIMUS?! What are you doing here?!
DINANIMUS Just dropping in to say… That nasty comment? Yep. That was me.
PUPPY JAY You hacked Matt’s account?!
DINANIMUS Relax Puppy Jay! I was just testing your emotional firewall.
LIGHTS TURN ON IN HIS ROOM
DINANIMUS(shouting off screen) MOM! TURN OFF THE LIGHT! I’M RECORDING AN ANONYMOUS VIDEO!
PUPPY JAY(squints) Huh. That room looks kinda familiar… Drop it in the comments — where have I seen it before?
LIGHTS OFF — glitching resumes
DINANIMUS Sorry for that. Anyway — if you wanna be the biggest pup on the internet? You’ll need a thicker coat.
PUPPY JAY Soo… You seriously traumatized me… for personal growth?!
DINANIMUS Maybe my methods are a little old-school… But I believe in you. And Internet fame isn’t all belly rubs and treats. (beat) Oh — and one more thing. I’m the one who anonymously sent you the addresses of your worst haters… And from what I can tell… (smirking) …you’ve already taken care of a few of them!
PUPPY JAY(eyes widening, then puffing up proudly) Wait — that was YOU?! Thanks! Yeah! I handled them. Hard. The dachshund way!
DINANIMUS(smirking) The dachshund way, huh? I hope those Crocs had insurance.
PUPPY JAY(sheepish grin) …No comments!
DINANIMUS Nice work, kid. Nobody gets to post nasty comments to my bro— (catches himself, coughs) —…I mean… Gotta run! Brace yourself!
10:05Final Bark
GLITCH — FEED CUTS OUT
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY Online hate hurts. It’s real. It stings. But the love you leave in the comments? Nothing even comes close! (small smile, to camera) Well… okay, maybe one thing comes close. The legends who take that love a step further — and actually keep this show running. My Sponsors — thank you! And huge thanks to my fan and friend Matt H. — now officially The Ultimate Patron. You rock! And a big welcome to Eva R. and her dachshund Tiffy — welcome to the pack! With your support, we’re now a few steps closer to our goal of 100 new sponsors! And don’t forget to send in videos of your pets to my email — they might be featured in the next episode. My name is Puppy Jay — and I’ll see you next Sunday!
10:59Fan Love
POST-CREDITS / BLOOPER
VOICE 1 Big guys like Puppy Jay too!
VOICE 2 We love you, Puppy Jay!