Full transcript
00:00IntroINT. SCHOOL HALLWAY — DAY
Puppy Jay in middle school uniform. Two bulky corgi bullies loom over him.
PUPPY JAY AWAKE IN BED.
SFX — DEEP GASP
PUPPY JAY(rubbing eyes) Ah! Doctor Pawsitive? I need emergency therapy.
DR. PAWSITIVE(gently) Here at Pawsitive Therapy — we believe… every trauma deserves a treat. And now, with promo code “PuppyJay” — you get 10% off your first breakthrough. Tell me your story in the comments below — and I’ll book you instantly.
00:47Therapy? I’m FineINT. STUDIO
PUPPY JAY AT HIS DESK
MAIN SHOW JINGLE
PUPPY JAY(to camera, cheerful) So, Doctor Pawsitive — what did you think of that ad I shot for you? Good enough to pay for my future therapy sessions?
DR. PAWSITIVE(gently amused) Puppy Jay, I’m genuinely impressed! It’s professionally made — and at the same time… so sincere.
PUPPY JAY(grinning) Thank you, Doctor! I just took a few puppyhood memories, a sprinkle of nightmare flashbacks — you know, the kind where I bark in my sleep and twitch my paws — and added a pinch of movie magic. So you could say… it’s based on real events!
DR. PAWSITIVE(tilts head) Oh… I didn’t know you went through bullying at school… I always imagined you were quite popular. That actually sounds like psychological trauma. Would you like to talk about it?
PUPPY JAY(laughs awkwardly) Oh come on! It was just a dream. No trauma here! Nope. Not a single crumb!
DR. PAWSITIVE(calm, warm) Jay… I can’t force you to talk. But from what I see — you’re in denial. For that ad you made, I’ll give you two free sessions. So whenever you’re ready — call me.
PUPPY JAY(too fast) Okay! I’ll call you back when I have an actual problem!
SPLIT SCREEN CLOSES. Puppy Jay leans toward the camera.
PUPPY JAY(leans in, conspiratorial) Therapists, am I right? To them — everything’s a trauma! (sits back, shrugging) I mean — everyone has school nightmares. Like… You’re standing naked in class… Or you sit on a whoopee cushion in front of… Never mind! (pause — slightly defensive) I’ve seen TikToks. It’s totally normal. But hey — let’s double-check. Time to call in… my expert friends.
He taps the screen.
PUPPY JAY Let’s start with someone cold-blooded.
He taps his screen again.
PUPPY JAY Hey, Shark!
02:33Shark Says: Invest
SHARK(pleasantly formal) Hello, Puppy Jay! What financial issue are we tackling today?
PUPPY JAY Dreams!
SHARK(instantly engaged) Dreams? Do you mean sleep-tech companies? Trends in mattress stock? Weighted blanket ETFs?
PUPPY JAY No-no, not that kind of dreams. I mean… do you ever have nightmares about school?
SHARK(pauses, reflective) Hmm… you know, Puppy Jay — if I think about it, my school years were the best of my life. I remember my classmates so fondly. (pause) Shame half of them didn’t survive graduation… Shark fin hunters. Ruthless industry.
PUPPY JAY(visibly uncomfortable) Oh… wow… Okay…
SHARK(lightening up) But hey — that’s just regular shark life. And besides, school is also where I met my future wife — Mrs. Shark.
He proudly shows a photo from their underwater wedding.
SHARK We’ve been happily together for 30 years. Through thick and thin… And three recessions.
PUPPY JAY Mhm… Sweet. I guess sharks don’t even have dreams. And this question clearly wasn’t financial… (pause — glances into camera) Maybe Shark’s just… not the right kind of expert. I just need to ask someone who understands the subconscious. Someone who literally lives among the stars.
He taps the screen dramatically.
PUPPY JAY No one other than Professor Pawstradamus… Hi, Professor!
03:47Star-Crossed Feelings
PAWSTRADAMUS Greetings, young Puppy Jay!
PUPPY JAY Professor, do you ever have nightmares… about school?
PAWSTRADAMUS(offended) About school? Jay, perhaps you’re unaware — but I graduated from the School of Celestial and Arcane Miracles. SCAM, for short. There were only spells… and unicorns.
PUPPY JAY So… no nightmares?
PAWSTRADAMUS Never! I choose my dreams myself — in accordance with the stars!
PUPPY JAY(awed) Woooow! I want to choose my dreams too!
PAWSTRADAMUS(serious) Alas… to master this technique, you must be born in a reed field, under the constellation of Libra, sometime between April and June, to the sound of a penguin singing!
PUPPY JAY Whoa. That’s… incredible. You must’ve received amazing training at SCAM.
PAWSTRADAMUS Indeed… I was top of my class — palmistry, divination by expired hot dogs, and horoscopes! And by the way… would you like to hear your horoscope?
PUPPY JAY Wow! Of course I do — coming from a legend like you!
PAWSTRADAMUS I sense that you are… a Cancer. Am I right?
PUPPY JAY How did you know?!
PAWSTRADAMUS One glance at you — and it’s obvious! ♋ CANCER
PAWSTRADAMUS The stars will remind you of your very first crush. And your heart will respond… with a deeply awkward thump.
PUPPY JAY Wait—what crush? I don’t have a crush! Right? Your horoscope’s wrong!
PAWSTRADAMUS Puppy Jay, how dare you! Astrology is the most accurate science. Even Netflix now curates shows by zodiac sign. And if corporations believe in it… then it must be true. I mean — when have corporations ever lied? Exactly. Never. Ha ha ha ha ha.
PUPPY JAY(trying to shake it off) You’re right, you’re right — I take it back! The horoscope’s perfect! Especially the… crush part. Which is wrong. But perfect… Ugh… (pause — sighs, thinking) Why is everything today reminding me of school? Nightmares… trauma… crushes… I need a break. Maybe I’ll go for a walk… clear my head.
06:03Toilet Water Wisdom
JINGLE
BARTENDER(cheerful, familiar) The usual?
PUPPY JAY(confused) Oh… I’ve only been here once.
BARTENDER(nodding) Right! To me, every guest is a regular, so… sparkling toilet water?
PUPPY JAY Not today. Give me something stronger! Toilet water — straight!
BARTENDER pours a shot of “toilet water” with mock seriousness.
BARTENDER Wanna hear a joke?
PUPPY JAY Do I have a choice?
BARTENDER If you had a choice, you wouldn’t be here.
PUPPY JAY Then yes.
BARTENDER Do you know what they call a dog who always forgets his homework?
PUPPY JAY Uhhh… Forgetful Retriever?
BARTENDER Close… Slowbradore. It’s a common mistake — most can’t tell the difference between a Labrador and a Retriever anyway.
PUPPY JAY(flat) Oh… Yeah… totally… (pause — then quietly) Barktender… Hit me again!
BARTENDER(raising a brow) Careful, kid! You know… Every year, they start showing up. Same look — like the past just barked at them. Same order… And sooner or later — they tell me the story. About the girl in the first row… The one who looked at them just once… Or the bullies. Or the coach who said, “You’re too short to join the football team.” Different faces. Same pain. They all think a second round of toilet water will fix it. But I like you, kid… So I’ll tell you the truth: It never does…
PUPPY JAY slowly raises his eyes toward the camera. The lens starts to push in.
BARTENDER(softer) You alright?
PUPPY JAY(quietly) I think… I need to call my therapist!
07:48Therapized in 4K
PUPPY JAY quietly slides off the stool.
JINGLE
PUPPY JAY(defensive) Hi, Doctor! Sooo… I’ve been thinking. And you know… I might’ve felt a tiny bit… weird about something I said earlier. But… yeah.
DR. PAWSITIVE(gently, smiling) I’m glad you finally decided to talk, Puppy Jay. That takes courage. Now — tell me what school was like for you.
PUPPY JAY(nervously) Well… It actually wasn’t all bad. Sure, the corgi brothers used to bully me — but then my older brother, Doxie Din, took care of them. The dachshund way! But there was one day… one moment… I’ll never forget!
08:43INSERT: dream footage
the locker, the bullies, the whoopee cushion. PUPPY JAY narrates off-screen.
DAPHNE(V.O.) Don’t do that!
PUPPY JAY(voiceover) That day… I’ve never felt so embarrassed in my life.
DR. PAWSITIVE(thoughtfully) Interesting… When you described the bullies — you were calm. But there’s one figure you kept avoiding… The girl at the desk next to you.
PUPPY JAY(defensive) Daphne? What does she have to do with anything?
DR. PAWSITIVE Can you recall exactly what she said?
PUPPY JAY(blurting out) She said, “Don’t do that!” And gave me this… judgmental look!
DR. PAWSITIVE Do you like her?
PUPPY JAY(laughing awkwardly) What?! Nooo! Of course not! That’s ridiculous! I mean, okay — maybe I wrote her a song. And shot a little music video. And posted it on Insta. But that doesn’t mean I liked her!
DR. PAWSITIVE Curious! Would you like to take her… to prom?
PUPPY JAY(pauses) I mean… yeah. I guess I do.
DR. PAWSITIVE And are you sure she was judging you? What if she was trying to warn you? “Don’t do that” — as in, “Don’t sit on the whoopee cushion”?
PUPPY JAY(confused) Wait… what? No… I mean… maybe? Wh—what!?
DR. PAWSITIVE Did you ever talk to her about it?
PUPPY JAY No! I thought she hated me! She never talked to me again… since then!
DR. PAWSITIVE Are you sure… it was her who stopped talking?
PUPPY JAY(stunned) Oh my dog…
DR. PAWSITIVE(warmly) Sometimes, we invent entire stories to avoid hearing the truth. But the truth — is usually much kinder than what we come up with on our own.
PUPPY JAY(softly) Doctor… Thank you. I think I feel… better. And… I need to call Daphne!
JINGLE — upbeat, hopeful transition
PUPPY JAY picks up the phone. Dials. Waits.
DAPHNE(on speaker) This is Daphne!
PUPPY JAY panics and immediately hangs up.
PUPPY JAY(sighs) Oh, no, no, no, no, abort, abort. She sounds too nice! Why did I call? Who let me have a FaceTime?
10:37The Daphne CallINT. STUDIO — BACK TO PUPPY JAY
PUPPY JAY(still shaken) Okay, maybe I’m not ready yet. Might need a couple more sessions. But hey — that counts as emotional growth… right?
He straightens up.
PUPPY JAY And if you wanna see all my school memories — there is a link in the top right corner. Watch at your own risk. (pause) Now, enough about my emotional mess. Let’s talk about the Sunday Puppy Jay mess! We’re still on the road to our goal — 100 new sponsors to send my field reporter, Vicky Licky, all the way to Transylvania to interview the legend of the night himself… Count Barkula.
11:16Barkula’s Ultimatum
COUNT BARKULA Puppy Jay… I trust you’ve booked flights already. Ticket prices are biting. And I refuse to be interviewed over Zoom.
PUPPY JAY As you can see — we’ve got no choice but to fly out there! And that means I need your help! Become a sponsor of the show! You can become a sponsor on Patreon — or right here on YouTube! QR code’s on screen, link’s in the description.
12:11Final Bark
Puppy Jay softens — warmer now.
PUPPY JAY And huge thanks to our new sponsors — Danielle O. and Humberto A. — welcome to the pack! And Marie K. — welcome back! We missed you! Every one of you brings us a few steps closer! And hey — don’t forget to send videos of your pets to my email! They just might show up in the next episode! My name’s Puppy Jay — and I’ll see you next Sunday!
CLOSING JINGLE